Key Insights
Quick Answer
The best way to talk to a loved one about gambling is to focus on behaviour and impact, use “I” statements, stay calm, and offer support—not blame or control.
Best Way To Avoid Problems
Pick a calm moment and talk about specific behaviours you’ve noticed, not character or labels.
Biggest Advantage
Early conversations reduce shame and make it easier for someone to accept help.
Common Mistake
Starting the talk during an argument, right after a loss, or with accusations.
Pro Tip
If you talk like a teammate, not a judge, they’re more likely to open up.
Start With The Right Goal
A lot of people go into this talk hoping to “make them stop.”
That usually backfires.
A better goal is:
- understand what’s going on
- express concern clearly
- offer support
- agree on one small next step
Small steps beat big speeches.
Choose The Right Time (This Matters More Than People Think)
Timing can make or break the talk.
Pick a moment when they are:
- not actively gambling
- not angry or stressed
- not rushing out the door
- not drinking
Good timing often looks like:
- a quiet evening
- a weekend morning
- a walk together
- a calm car ride
If you start the talk during high emotion, the brain goes defensive fast.
Lead With Care, Not Suspicion
Start with something simple and human.
Examples:
- “I care about you, and I want to talk about something I’ve been worried about.”
- “This isn’t an attack. I just want to understand what’s going on.”
- “I’m bringing this up because I love you, not because I’m trying to control you.”
This lowers their guard before you mention gambling.
Use Specific Behaviour, Not Labels
Avoid:
- “You’re addicted.”
- “You have a problem.”
- “You’re irresponsible.”
Those labels usually trigger shame or anger.
Instead, talk about behaviour:
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been playing late at night a lot.”
- “I’ve noticed you seem stressed after sessions.”
- “I’ve noticed money feels tighter lately.”
- “I’ve noticed you seem distracted and on your phone more.”
Behaviour is harder to argue with than accusations.
Use “I” Statements (So It Doesn’t Sound Like Court)
Try this structure:
I feel ____
when I see ____
because ____
and I’d like ____
Example:
“I feel worried when I see you staying up late gambling because it seems to stress you out, and I’d like us to talk about how you’re feeling.”
This reduces blame and keeps you on your side of the fence.
Ask Questions That Invite Honesty
Your goal is not interrogation.
It’s understanding.
Try questions like:
- “How has gambling been feeling for you lately?”
- “Do you feel like it’s still fun?”
- “Do you ever feel like you can’t stop when you plan to?”
- “Do you ever gamble to take the edge off stress?”
- “What do you think would help you feel more in control?”
These questions open doors.
Yes/no questions slam them.
What Not To Say (Even If You Mean Well)
Here are phrases that usually backfire:
- “Just stop.”
- “If you loved me, you’d quit.”
- “You’re ruining everything.”
- “You’re being stupid.”
- “I’m taking your money away.”
These create shame, and shame creates hiding.
If They Get Defensive, Don’t Match Energy
Defensiveness is normal.
If they say:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “It’s not a big deal.”
- “I’m fine.”
Try:
- “I hear you. I’m not trying to label you. I’m just worried about the stress I’m seeing.”
- “I’m not asking you to promise anything today. I just want an honest talk.”
Your calm is the tool.
Offer Support With Clear Options
Instead of:
“Get help.”
Try:
- “Would you be open to taking a short break?”
- “Would you be open to setting a deposit limit?”
- “Would you be open to a cooling-off period?”
- “Would you be open to talking to someone professional if it feels hard?”
Options feel safer than demands.
Agree On One Small Next Step
Don’t try to solve everything in one conversation.
Pick one action:
- 48-hour break
- deposit limit set
- time limit set
- self-exclusion tool
- voluntary account closure
- tracking sessions together
- counselling appointment
One step creates momentum.
Momentum builds change.
If You’re Worried About Immediate Harm
If there’s serious money risk or safety concerns, you may need stronger action.
That could mean:
- protecting joint finances
- removing access to shared accounts
- reaching out to support services
- asking for professional help immediately
This is not about punishment. It’s about safety.
FAQ
What If They Deny Everything?
Stay calm. Focus on what you’ve observed and your feelings. Denial often softens after repeated calm conversations.
What If They Get Angry?
Don’t argue. Pause the talk and come back later. Anger is often shame in disguise.
Should I Ask To See Their Bank Statements?
Usually no as a first step. It can feel like policing. Start with conversation and agreed guardrails.
What If They Promise To Stop But Don’t?
That’s common. Shift from promises to systems: limits, friction, and breaks.
When Should I Get Professional Help Involved?
If gambling is affecting money, relationships, sleep, or mental health—or if they can’t stop even when they want to.
Where To Go Next
Now that you know how to start the conversation, the next step is understanding how self-exclusion works and when it’s the right tool to use.
Next Article: How Self-Exclusion Works & When To Use It
Next Steps
If you want to understand the basics first, start with The Complete Guide To Responsible Gambling.
If you want to compare the warning signs that show up early, read The Most Common Warning Signs Of Gambling Dependency.
If your goal is to play smarter from the very first session, use The Ultimate Responsible Gambling Checklist for Every Player.
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